My Year of Fear

Fear has always been a consistent obstacle in my life as with most people, but the source of my fear has made my experience unique.  When everyday mundane things like ordering at McDonalds, making a phone call or introducing yourself on the first day of class trigger massive anxiety, your relationship with fear enters into a level of intimacy most can’t relate to.  My previous blog was all about confronting my stutter, examining the damage it had done to my life in the past, accepting the pain that came with that damage and letting it go.  I made HUGE strides while writing that blog and in the two years since I wrote my final post.  What I have discovered is life is not about the destinations, but the journey.  My journey continues and a new blog emerges to chronicle new challenges, opportunities, triumphs, failures and dreams.  

Early last year I decided that I had allowed fear to drain too much out of life and that I would draw a line and stop the bleeding.  I embarked on MY YEAR OF FEAR!!!  Of course the first fear I needed to confront was the fear of my voice.  I’ve had a stutter since the age of 8 and over the course of 25 years, I developed a paralyzing fear of speaking.  It’s hard to capture in words the personal destruction this fear has caused in my life.  Due to the magnitude of the damage, before I could confront the fear, I had too assess the impact.  Analyzing the impact that fear has had on my life resulted in what I call my Fear Factors.

• Fear is deceptive
• Fear is compounding
• Fear is contagious
• Fear is replicable
• Fear is comparable
• Fear is a fantasy, regret is a responsibility
• Our fate is death, fear cannot change it

I will explain these factors in detail in a later posts, but I just wanted to share a little about what I discovered about my tear and how it behaves.  My journey and experience with fear all started with a fear of speaking due to my stutter.  That fear spread throughout the rest of my life like a brush fire consuming so much of my happiness, hope and opportunities  

My fear started with one area of my life

and spread to many others

Now this is the scope of fear that I’m left to conquer.  

Pyramid of Fear

I fought some tough battles last year.  I won some spectacularly and lost some sorely, but I fought.  That fight I took on last year is so much more that I had the courage to give myself earlier in life. Stay tuned as I walk you through my Year of Fear and the difference that taking a stand has made in my life.

Upcoming posts:

• Fear Factors
• From Mediocrity to the Main Stage and Murphy’s Law 

Burning Bridges

Blessings, Burdens, Balancing & Bridges

With my birthday and New Years within a few weeks of each other, I always find myself reflecting on the past year to assess what the year has taught me.  The four words above kept repeating in my mind. So this is how interpret these four words and what they meant for my 2015.

Blessings - Everyone wants to be blessed with the things we desire, but most don't realize is that a blessing is not free and often comes with responsibility. For example:

1. You got a new house, but now you have a mortgage and a house to maintain

2. You wanted a spouse, but now you have to be a husband/wife and put someone else ahead of yourself

3. You got the job, but now you have to work

4. You asked for wisdom, but that new perspective compels you to act and change 

What I've learned is to be careful what you ask for and to be clear about why you want certain things. If your motive in wanting something is focused on the short term then it will probably provide short term satisfaction and benefits.  If you are basing your decisions of what to pursue on the long term, then your chances of receiving long term satisfaction and benefits are greater.  I got a very important phone call some time ago and I remember the exact place that I received that call.  When I past by that place recently I asked myself what don't I have the same enthusiasm now over what that call blessed me with vs. when I received it?

Burdens - The reason is because what that call blessed me with has now become a burden and no longer feels like a blessing.  I believe there are two reasons why a blessing can become a burden:

1. Being irresponsible with and mismanaging your blessing 

2. Becoming complacent and not moving on to the next blessing when you have outgrown the current one.

Balancing - This year has really taught me that life is truly a balancing act.  It's impossible to do it all and it's difficult just to manage the few highest priorities in your life.  When you lose control of your responsibilities and mismanage your life everything can feel like a burden; even those things that sustain your life.  I've learned to put first things first and focus on the things that will benefit my life in the most meaningful way.  I'm not saying to let other important things fall apart, but you must be clear about what provides an immediate benefit vs. what will impact your life long term.  Then adjust your focus accordingly.

Burning Bridges - I have realized that even a blessing has a shelf life.  Blessings are like milestones for me and the experience between one to the next are the bridges that connect them.  I don't believe we are ever meant to hold on to one blessing forever and never reach for the next.  When we remain complacent with one blessing we never cross the bridge to get to the next.  Burning bridges is an act that people tend to avoid in order to maintain a connection to something that might be a useful resource in the future.  For example, when I searched for a picture to use for this post I found images that mostly stated in some way DON'T BURN BRIDGES.  Bridges symbolize and provide access.  It can be a dangerous scenario when your past has open access to your present and future.  You can find yourself anchored to past blessings when the bridge that connected you the current is still intact.  Burning bridges is some times a necessary evil to move into and protect future blessings. 

So for 2016 I'm ready to move into new blessings, put first things first to balance my highest priorities and burn any bridges that will anchor and prevent me from reaching the next milestone in my life.  I hope you will do the same.